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Bra Bashing
Publishers Summary Germaine sits at her laptop, typing. Her breasts are barely being held into her shirt. : Foamy : Dude! Why are your bras all over the room? : Germaine : Pounds on table angrily. : 'Cause I'm fed up with them! I'm not wearing bras anymore. : Foamy : So why? : Germaine : They're man-made torture devices. All they do it cut off your circulation, make it difficult to breathe, and squeeze your tits together so guys can stare at your cleavage! I refuse to be encumbered by mans' tortuous garments of oppression! : Foamy : You know, I've noticed, any time you gain some weight, and you can't fit into your old clothes, your old clothes become {emphasizes each word with finger quotes} tortuous garments of oppression. Why is that? : Germaine : Lowly tone. : My undies are always oppressing me. : Foamy : Yeah, okay. You just don't want to accept the fact that you're gaining weight. So you redirect your self-loathing on your clothes! It's quite sad, really. : Germaine : Defensive. : Nuh-uh. : Foamy : Dude. Why don't you just buy some new clothes? : Germaine : Angrily. : My clothes are fine! {unsure} I can still fit into them. : Foamy : Um, why are you wearing a thong? The view cuts to behind Germaine's computer, where her butt is visible. : Germaine : It... It's not a thong. : Foamy : Well, then your ass has consumed another pair of underwear! The view cuts back to the front of Germaine's computer. : Foamy : And, frankly, that shirt needs a little help, too. : Germaine : Angrily : It's fine. : Foamy : Dude! Your boobs are almost popping out of your... You know what? Never mind. I don't care. Every time I try to give advice, no one listens. Well fine. : Cut to behind computer. : Go about your life blindly, with your ass continuously eating your underwear,... cut to front of computer. : ...while your tits pop out of your shirt every time you take a breath. God forbid you buy some new clothes that actually fit. : Germaine : Sadly. : But I don't want to wear and extra-large. The view cuts to behind Germaine's computer. : Foamy : Extra-large? Who are you kidding? Your ass is going for triple XL, my bloated friend. The view cuts back to the front of Germaine's computer. : Germaine : Why can't I just stop eating all those really tasty junk foods? : Foamy : Because they're really tasty. : Germaine : Sarcastically. Thank you for your brilliant observation. : Foamy : Not at all. Here's another observation. {cut to back of computer} Your blubbery ass is devouring your chair! Anchovie peers in from the right with an awed look on his face. : Germaine : You know, I don't appriciate your sarcasm. : Foamy : That's okay. Millions of viewers do. {ducks down} Germaine and Anchovie stare at each other. : Anchovie : I'd just like to say I admire your... Looks at Germaine's butt. ...convictions. : Germaine : Fuck... you. End screen appears. : Anchovie : Rude.